Tuesday, November 23, 2010
A good woman, or the lack there of!
If I had found a woman to call my own back when I was knee deep in ‘em I would be divorced by now. You see I ain’t the same guy I used to be.
Back in the day I was dealin’ coke astride a bright pink FLH and hittin’ clubs back in the roaring’ ‘80’s into the early ‘90’s. Everything was for show back then and girls back then (as it is now) are all about the ‘successful ‘guys with the world wrapped around their little finger. It was not who you are but rather who you wanted people to think you are.
The same applies now except it’s a lot harder to pull off when you have your whole world splashed in print and on the internet. Back then and until recently I was everywhere, ridin’ my fuckin’ brains out and figuring I’d stop when the planets aligned and all seemed well. “All being well” included a good woman. That woman probably appeared in my life in different incarnation’s 5-10 times in all those miles but the ‘road’ had its fangs in my ass and never let me stop long enough to possibly enjoy where I was at. So I just kept rollin’ and searchin’ for that particular place where that particular woman lived. Of course I never found her because my eyes were set on the horizon instead of where my feet were planted. Good or bad, that is how it panned out.
I have been jealous of my buds that found a good woman, put the bikes on the stands and started building a life with the one they loved. I always wanted that, they just concentrated on it more. Now though, 85% of those guys are divorced and swingin’ on that 9-5 noose. Me, I live in the desert ,plant cactuses and paint.
I like the freedom that my lifestyle has enabled me but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have that place in the back of my mind that seems empty because I have never established a strong connection with someone that will always be at my side. Then again, I don’t know if I would ever be able to find someone that is game for this life unless she was completely batshit crazy. I mean look at me…who would find this fiasco that I call contentment appealing?
The big deterrent has been my life’s lack of stability. At the drop of a cigarette ash I’m on the road and chasin’ windmills. I’ve acquired nothing except knowledge, but that doesn’t culminate into an appealing environment that a good woman would want to settle into and feel secure.
Women (in general) seek out security and (again in general) look for a good nest in which to stop that God Damn biological clock that is constantly hammering them, whether they admit it or not.
Hittin’ the road and stayin’ on it has destroyed my chances of having someone to give that kind of security to but then again why deny who you really are just to fulfill some kind of perceived happiness in the future.
So, here I be, sittin’ in the desert waiting for the suns light to be right so I can get to painting and just thinkin’. As I think though, things have turned out just the way they should have. Sure, I get a bit lonely for female companionship but if I didn’t do all the shit that I did in the past I sure as fuck wouldn’t be as content as I am now. If I had settled in with one of those girls I was layin’ the pipe to back in the day I sure as hamster farts wouldn’t be where I am now.
I’ve always had ridiculously high standards when it comes to women and I think that has been a limiting factor. I’m all about looks but that has to be backed with a head full of intelligence and a sense of self worth. Not a bitch and not a push over, somewhere just in the middle. Someone who isn’t goin’ to suck the life out of me but looks to me to when she needs that shoulder to lean on.
My life ain’t flash and money. It ain’t jet set or public appearances. It’s just bein’ in the desert just outside of a very cool town and when it all gets a little small, jumpin’ on the bike to destinations unknown. It’s a good fuckin’ life but it just might be the life for a single guy. I seriously doubt there is a woman out there that holds the same values as I do but still looks great in a pair of tight jeans. That doesn’t mean I won’t keep on lookin’ though! “GTP”