Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Want to shut it down?... keep this in mind.
Things have been pretty dicey since I got down here but it hasn’t been something I can plan, situations rise and then fall away in a lethargic state of transition but they change dramatically just the same. Every once in a while you have to readjust your sights just to keep the same goals. Most importantly, however, you have to have goals. Whether it’s just sitting in the sand and soaking up the sun, turning inward to find yourself, smoking pot until your eyes bleed or even just having the time to paint some pictures, you need to have something to get a bead on….something to keep you from just floundering and drewlin’ on your shirt. Something to do with your time because God knows there is enough of it out here to drive you nuts. I got lucky, I paint and my focus has been on that lately. There have been some dramatic and important decisions that had to be made since I got down here, but the only thing that made these decisions worth a fuck is because I wanted to paint some originals and maybe have a show…it makes me happy.
Things are about as I had expected when I got here but there are black holes of delirium that need to be avoided or you will dive into unending pits of depression and harsh realities that you have to face when you give it all up and just focus. You better be prepared to be alone and face your own demons, you’re going to get lonely and everyone you knew is either going to think you’re a hero or just plain lost it, the only person that will truly know the answer is those beady eyes staring back at you when you look in the mirror.
The harsh realities are these, everything you know about the fucks in the big city are completely lost to you after a period of time in a place like this. You will miss the stupidity of urban living when it is gone for a while. The things that seemed important to you before you split the scene usually won’t mean shit after a while unless they are truly part of who you are. The things you thought were important before will be the first things that you lose. You will lose your mind, so you better be ready to find it again as soon as you do!
I know definitively that I will never get laid again, wear fancy clothes, drive a fancy car or even live in a house that resembles anything close to a house. Thems the facts, I’m getting better at accepting them. On the upside, I have at least one good belly laugh a day; I have little or no stress, a one eyed dog and a studio full of projects and four months to get them done. It ain’t a bad trade off.
So what does it take to turn your back on it all?...probably insanity and maybe a big pair would help, but be warned….everything changes! I would kill for some decent Chinese food! “GTP”